Education questions

I have pretty confidently decided on pursuing a masters in education/teaching certificate in the states, and then doing montessori certification afterwards. This will let me work with middle school aged students, as a montessori certificate alone almost definitely would not any time soon, and continue to learn about the montessori children's-minds-focused method of teaching/assisting students to learn.

I have been trying to find ways to break the large topic of education into pieces that I can realistically write about in separate blog posts-- I'm actually encouraged by how hard it's been because it's showing me how close I am to this topic and how big it is in my mind. It's a lot easier to see things that are farther away. However, I really do want to investigate this through writing. I want to write about my own educational experiences and what I have learned about how I learn, and about different educational philosophies. So! This is a placemarker/pledge to pick a small piece and start writing next week!

To begin with, here are some ideas I have been investigating:

Ken Robinson: "Schools Kill Creativity" and "Bring on the Learning Revolution" (talks on ted.com)
E. M. Standing: "Montessori: Her Life and Work" (book, which I highly recommend to any interested in investigating how they learn and what they believe about their minds)

I would love recommendations for things to read about education and cognitive development (especially for adolescence)!

Me-update

Sorry I didn't post earlier in the week! All is well. This is solely a Kara-update, my mind hasn't been coming together for a more thoughtful topic.

I think I have decided to get a masters of education and teach middle school science, and then get certified to teach in montessori schools. I don't just want to do the montessori thing by itself, I believe, because I want to be more flexible in where I can work and because I am pretty sure I want to work with middle-school aged students. This is such an important age to be encouraged and empowered, as youth are becoming aware that they are both intelligent and mature, but often not being given ways to use those qualities constructively, I think that I can feel good about spending my whole life with them.

I have just recieved (from my dear mother!) and begun reading a book about the Montessori philosophy. But it is essentially based around Maria Montessori's discovery in late 19th century Italy that all children have a spontaneous interest and self-discipline for learning, when they are given the help and encouragement to act on them.

I am looking for Masters of Ed programs and may be applying for next fall to a couple with late deadlines, but will probably wait to ensure that I have applied for sufficient funding.

Christian and I are going to visit Seoul and Busan (the capital/biggest city in SK and the second biggest, respectively) the week after next for our vacations. We're taking a boat from Jeju to Busan, a train from Busan to Seoul, and a plane from Seoul back to Jeju.

The first week of January my school is hosting a joint English Camp with a few other schools (including Christian's) and I'll be teaching about 15 4th-6th graders a day on the exciting topic of "money." We'll be designing our own currency and ending with a treasure hunt.

Not sure why this blog post gets so many dang views

Previously titled: 罗亚死了，罗亚死了

April has been a good month in a lot of ways.

First, a friend of a friend visited Nanjing, and in helping to show her the city I finally saw a bit of the city myself. We went to Purple Mountain:

(this buddha statue was created as a tourist attraction in the late 90's, and we saw some other folks sitting on his lap, so we decided we wouldn't be disrespecting him or anyone else by following suit)

And visited a temple and a Ming Dynasty city wall that are both within 30 minutes walking distance from my Center. Who knew?

Pagoda in the temple:

View of the lake and Ming wall from the top of the pagoda:

I have ALSO been buying myself some books. These include: an anthology of Chinese fantasy writing from 2008, "Swordbird" (a book written by an 11 year old Chinese girl who lives in the US in both Chinese and English. Think Redwall series, except birds. Holding swords), a Chinese dictionary (not Chinese-English. Just Chinese), and a copy of China's National Geographic (or 黄夏地理). Xiaoxuan just helped me order a science fiction anthology and a selection of Lu Xun's writings (linked to Wikipedia). He was a very influential thinker in the decades after the Nationalist revolution in 1911. Many Chinese have to read bits of his writing in high school, and the woman that I have been helping to practice English highly recommended reading his complete stories (as in full texts, not necessarily everything he's written).

I am feeling good about my life plan. This is good. I have been feeling foolishly insecure all year about one thing or another. The plan a little farther out: I am moving to Korea next year, then I think back to China to work for a year and reapplying to grad schools for fall 2012. Then I'm hoping somewhere will let me teach and take students abroad, and maybe I'll work on a PhD.

I've realized I need to actually post about China more, and not keep this blog so self-centered. Now that I feel like I've got myself figured out a little more (haha, ask tomorrow) that is my plan. If you've got questions to guide my writing, I'd love to hear 'em!

Title is from one of the fantasy stories I'm reading, yo. "Luoya is dead, Luoya is dead"

She may cry but her tears will dry when I hand her the keys to a shiney new Australia

Welp, I have some major updates on the status on my brain and future plans.

Update Eins: I did not get into grad school. Despite the feelings of numerous friends and relatives, I do not seem to be the end-all, be-all of prospective researchers. Since I’d decided that I NEED some time away from school, this is really okay. My ego remains slightly bruised, but my ego generally needs to be taken down a notch or two.

Update Zwei: I am planning on moving to Korea in the fall to teach English for a year. This will give me some more experience teaching, and hopefully help me decide if I’m aiming to teach kids or older students. After I get the lesson planning figured out, it will also give me lots of time to work on other projects and figure myself out.

Update Drei: I’m afraid that right now I’m not planning on coming back to the US this summer. Plane tickets are expensive, and I’ve decided to use the money to travel around China since I’ll still have a visa to be here the rest of the summer. This I’m traveling with a Canadian friend and then visiting Xiaoxuan’s family in Hebei Province, near Beijing.

Update Vier: I love you!

Title is from "Dr Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog"

I can't get to sleep// I think about the implications// of diving in too deep// and "possibly"- the complications

I went to bed around 11:30 last night, after having emailed about a couple of english teaching jobs in China and worked on my application for TaLK in Korea. I think I fell asleep around 3am. I wasn't unhappy; I've done the anxiety insomnia thing and this wasn't it. Still processing what I should do next year. I've decided to teach English wherever I am, since I don't know what else I'd want to do and it would be good for me to investigate teaching more formally. I'm feeling good about that decision. The task now is to find secure places to work that will pay me enough to save a bit of money and work on paying back my loans. I know that's possible with either of the government programs in Korea. I know that secure programs exist in China, and I know that some pay alright. Okay. Moving on.

On my 4 hours of sleep I managed to stay awake and almost as attentive as usual through my classes this morning. Both were a little lacking in attendance; our spring break is next week and a lot of people have left already to travel. I and three (at least... I really thought there were more) of the other kids going to Sichuan to teach English are getting on a train on Sunday afternoon. The train will take about 25 hours, and once we reach the Guangyuan train station we'll have a two hour bus ride to Bazhong.

My teaching partner, Yang Genbao, and I planned our lesson last night. We're following their textbook for the most part (involving learning to talk about doing homework and watching television, among other daily and riveting activities) but are playing Jeopardy the second day (we're only going to see each class twice) and leave the last 10 minutes of each class for them to ask us questions in Chinese. They will probably be pretty excited to meet Genbao since he's from so far away in China. I think I already said that I'll probably be the first foreigner these kids have met. It's blowing my mind a little.

I did my class shopping today, photocopying the textbook so we can give the original back to the other group teaching 7th grade, buying candy for prizes. This involved a lot of walking around outside and listening to music- one of my favorite things to do. I was lamenting the trouble I have been having meeting and connecting with people and thinking about how a foreigner in China really has to find a way to enjoy attention (reminding myself to be excited about all the opportunities to smile at people I have when everyone is staring at my white white skin), and then made a friend in the supermarket. He was working handing out samples of crackers and standing right by the bulk candy. I tried the sesame and the peanut varieties (芝麻 and 花生）and told him about my quest to buy candy for my students next week. He asked me where I was studying and how long I'd been in China and gave me advice about what treats to buy. He asked me for my QQ (chinese IM service) and I told him I don't have one, which is marginally true as I have one but have not figured out how to use it yet.... So I gave him my cell number.

This was not my being hit on. Being foreign in China, outside of the biggest/most "developed" cities makes you a celebrity of sorts. Lots of people are excited about having a foreign friend, and my speaking Chinese more and more comfortably has made it easier and easier for folks to talk to me. It's cool beans.

I was also excited to find soybean powder at the supermarket. There are fridges on each floor but I haven't found a convenient way to buy, story, and keep soymilk for my tea/coffee. Little packets of soy powder, however, are working just great. I also replenished my oatmeal supply and bought some dried seaweed.

I probably won't post until after Sichuan, so have a great week!

Title is from Colin Hay's "Overkill". I have also been listening to the Rent soundtrack a lot this week.

Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean

My dinner in the cafeteria this evening consisted of a dish of spicy eggplant, a dish of squid/celery/carrot, a bowl of rice, and a square of apple pie. My dishsoap has a pretty standard lotus scent, and I have been eating a lot of seaweed-flavored saltines.

I have in the last few days completely made up my mind, at various time, that I am definitely going to Korea to teach English, that I am going to put all possible effort into the Sichuan teaching fellowship, and that I am definitely going to find some way to stay in Nanjing next year. I have come much closer to figuring out my rubric, at least. I need to be somewhere I feel I am building meaningful relationships. I don't really need (almost don't want) to be advancing my career next year, as I need to have space to figure out where I'm going next. I have been pushing through this education thing for quite a while, and I think I need to stop and look where I'm headed before I keep pushing any longer. I feel good about my educational decisions (well. I'm less than ecstatic about the loans I'm accruing here through Hopkins, but I'll survive). I feel good about my International Studies/Environmental Science degree, good about my trips abroad, good about the time I spent working with rain gauges, good about this year in China (and what it will tell people about my stubborn ability to sit through lectures I don't comprehend, if nothing else).

I'm struggling to make a decision about next year that I am sure is about what I want and not about expectations I am imposing on myself. I keep thinking that I will accomplish this one more thing (have a job, graduate from college, speak Chinese) and then I will be happy with myself. I am finding that contentment comes with motion, with getting up every day and feeling good about what I am doing, with having meaningful relationships and knowing that I help to deepen them. I am trying to figure out what that means about where I should be next year. Maybe I should go to Korea where I will be best able to focus on my relationship with Christian, as well as teach children. Maybe I should stay in China and take advantage of this time to build relationships in this country and in this language. Maybe I should go back home and take advantage of this time to be with family before my life solidifies somewhere else (I did actually just check some job listings in Ames... doesn't look hopeful).

In the more tangible here and now, my cold is still lingering on but I feel much much better. The air quality here makes it harder to get over respiratory illnesses, I think. I read in the China Law Blog (which is probably, but not definitely, reliable) that breathing the air in Beijing is NOT as bad as smoking a pack of cigarettes every day; that rumor is an exaggeration. It is as bad as LIVING with someone who smokes a pack a day. I've heard Nanjing is just about the same as Beijing overall. Some days better and some days worse. (Christian happened to arrive a couple days after the worst pollution day on record.)

My weekend was lovely. I spend time with Shirin and some Chinese parents and nine year old kids on Saturday, ending with going out for hotpot in the evening. Sunday morning I started tutoring the young couple I met last weekend who will be moving to the East coast for school in the fall. They are just lovely, so it was a great start to the day. Over lunch, Shirin joined me for a talk by a representative of a Chinese NGO, set up by some fellow Center classmates.

My head's still spinning with thoughts about what I should do... still trying to quiet down long enough to see my options clearly... Wish me luck.

Also! Last night, instead of continuing to do my homework, I stumbled upon and watched in full a documentary called Darius Goes West. It's about a boy with Muscular Dystrophy who drove from Georgia to California with 11 of his friends to try to get his wheelchair on Pimp My Ride. It was very moving, and I heartily recommend it. Also, if anyone is ever looking for a gift for me, I'd be all about the "golslabi" T-shirt for sale on their MD research fundraising site.

Today's title is from Nina Simone's "I'm Feeling Good," which I was first introduced to through Muse's cover.

[Austin said I haven't been posting enough. Here you go, friend]

Spring Illness

Howdy, all. I've been having a pretty slow-moving month. I finally got that "travelers' diarrhea" the doctors all warn you about, and spent a lot of time sleeping for about a week (I'll spare the details to those of you I've not already burdened... I love you, Mom!). Then I had a long enough reprieve to have an excellent trip to Shanghai for the HNC Career Day, where I listened to panels of people working in Legal Services, Consulting, and Green Business in China. I learned some things- to begin with, what "consulting" is- and made a cool connection. I spent the rest of the weekend at a Baha'i friend's house, doing homework, taking advantage of her FANTASTIC speakers (my iPod earbuds are seriously making me sad now), and at the Naw Ruz party with the Shanghai foreign Baha'is association. All good times.

I got up early Sunday to get to the train station and buy a ticket back to Nanjing. Got home around 12:30 and at 2pm met a lovely young couple I'm going to start tutoring in English.

Kind of read (have I mentioned that I have more reading than is humanly possible? Have I mentioned I spend a lot of time doing other things? heh) for a while, hung out with friends, went to bed, went to a couple days of classes, thought about papers and jobs and worried about what I'm doing next year. Caught a cold, and have spent much of the last two days lazing around my room. It got cold and rainy again this week, which is I'm pretty sure why I got sick (I tell the most exciting stories about China!). On Sunday and Monday the weather forecast was "widespread dust," Christian actually made me realize this when he said there was a huge dust cloud/storm/something over Korea. I looked out the window, thought, well, the pollution and low clouds are awfully brown today and checked the weather. Widespread dust! I thought these things only happened in Beijing (where the weather forecast is sometimes "Sand," which blows over from the Gobi Desert).

I have been meaning to make phone calls to the US, but need to get up early (ish) in the morning to do so, and with all morning classes and being sick and just lazy, I haven't in quite a while (besides, y'know, Skype contact more or less daily with Christian and every few days with my mother. One can generally assume that I have long-windedly pondered my path and purpose for my mother's benefit in the past couple of weeks.)

I'm still thinkin' real hard about what I should do next year. I will let you know when I have a decision, but honestly I will probably be going back and forth about it for at least another week or two, so don't get too anxious.

Um, so no title song today, but Christian linked me to this cool video of Massive Attack's Splitting the Atom earlier today, which you might enjoy.

Oh man! And to help you appreciate better how awesome AND nerdy (if those terms can be separately, really) my awesome nerdy boyfriend is, read this post about the card game he invented to teach English to his students: Sorcery: a Collecting

Plan B! Plan B!

Well, Christian and I are waiting on responses from two or three schools, but we've each been rejected from enough programs that we will definitely not be able to attend school in the same place next year. And, aside from that, I pretty definitely need to spend a year away from school and use my brain in a different way for a while, so on the slim chance that one of the schools I have yet to hear from accepts me, I'm going to defer.

Which means, dear ones, that I am figuring out where I WILL be next year, and it almost certainly will not be in the US. I have found a couple of things I would like to apply for here in China, and the Hopkins-Nanjing Center has a resume book which is circulated around many firms in China. If nothing comes of these, I am also applying to both of the programs which place native English speakers teaching English in Korean public schools- which will hopefully land me on Jeju Island with Christian. I feel like I should stay in China to keep using my Chinese and build experience here, so I am going to give jobs here (especially two of them that I know of) my full application effort. But I also feel that I need to do something, sometime soon, where I don't feel like I'm running at full speed all the time, and that it would make my life about 100% better to be in the same country, even, as Christian.

So, we'll see what happens! I am hoping I will be back in Iowa for a few weeks this summer. If I know I will be gainfully employed next year, I definitely have funds for it.

The plan is still almost definitely grad school in Geography whenever I actually get in to a program. I have questions I want to ask in a research setting, and I am pretty sure I want to teach eventually. I have dreams of leading study abroad trips.

Wish me luck!

Eek!

I submitted my application to Berkeley! I am now terrified, in spite of having a couple people read it and looking over it again myself, that it is full of typos and unfinished sentences. I ain't gonna look, though, because no matter what I'll find something I wish I could change, and I can't fix it now!

Hopefully, now that I have an SOP I like, revisions for other schools will go much faster.

It is past midnight and I have classes tomorrow, however, so further updates will have to wait a while.

The Opium Wars

After taking my physics final last friday, I went to the IC Public Library to get myself some not-required reading to celebrate. I came away with four Chinese movies (all of which I have yet to watch) and four books, three of which focus on China.

I immediately began reading The Opium Wars (and I'd like you to all to take a moment to appreciate how well I know how to relax and enjoy myself. Opium Wars). Personally, before going to China the first time I had heard of the Opium Wars but could not really say anything about them. This is not too surprising and should not, perhaps, cause despair for American educational institutions; my grasp on history has never been terribly strong. However, I have since realized that these are Wars which had and continue to have a huge impact on the way that China interacts with the (especially Western) world, and I would probably do well to have some kind of understanding of them.

I am about halfway through the three-hundred page tome and my overall learning so far can be summed up thus: "Foreign relations misadventure today can't hold a candle to the shit that went down two centuries ago." British merchants starting selling India-grown opium in China in the late eighteenth century because, basically, Great Britain had recently fallen in love with Chinese tea, and their government was losing vast sums of silver (the only form of payment China would accept) each year to keep their people in tea. They needed some way to lessen the debt, but were in possession of precisely nothing for which China was interested in trading. So, Parliament stifled its moral objectors and allowed the opium trade to explode.

To keep from writing my own three-hundred page retelling of what happened, here is a brief summary in dialogue-form:

A few people in England: Opium is addictive and does awful things to people! Selling it is very wrong!
The Majority of British merchants: If we don't sell it, someone else will.
Chinese bureaucrats to foreign merchants: Stop selling opium or we will confiscate it and kill you.
Chinese bureaucrats to Chinese: Stop using opium. We'll help you for 18 months and if you're still using, we'll kill you.
Chinese Emporer to Queen Victoria: Please stop this immoral trade. I hope you can appreciate, with your small barbarian mind, the horror you are wreaking on my country.
Queen Victoria: *never got the letter, as one copy was lost in the mail and the sailor who delivered the second was told by a member of Parliament the the Queen wouldn't be interested*
Chinese Bureaucracy/Army: *confiscates and destroys twenty thousand chests of British opium*
British Army: *begins invading China with vastly superior military and equipment, suffers almost no losses and massacres Chinese civilians as well as soldiers*
Chinese Bureaucracy to Chinese Emperor: You're the best! The British are running away!
Everyone: Why won't you all acknowledge my innate superiority and do what I say?!

I don't mean to belittle the events or people involved by saying I completely understand their motives or the way these wars affected lives, but that's what I've got so far. Diplomats and military leaders on both sides were repeatedly fired for not having produced the results their governments wanted, and were replaced by people with even less understanding of the foreign culture they were interacting with. Eventually China was forced to cede major ports and allow opium to be pumped into the country ad nauseum. The country broke down in a lot of ways, as millions and millions of people became addicted to opium. When Chinese thinkers/officials asked British government or merchants to please stop bringing in this devastating drug, the reply they received was to tell their people not to use it anymore. I am so glad we don't live in that world anymore, friends.

(The next book I get to read is called What Does China Think? (中国怎么想）and appears ready to give me much hope for the future...)

Right here. Right now.

I've been reflecting on the incredible story that we have the privilege to be a part of right now. The last century saw changes on a scale that was unprecedented in human history, not least because the human population has doubled about three times in the last hundred years.

We are connected to each other, all around the globe, in ways that were simply unthinkable a century ago (I'm sure that someone better read than I am would be able to think of an example of a sci fi author who had, in fact, imagined the Internet before the end of the 19th century. I don't care. I haven't heard of them and most of the people in the 19th century hadn't either. So there). We can hear about things on the other side of the world as they happen, and since there is such an exchange of people and culture around the world, we even have a hope of understanding their significance.

A friend posted a link to this video on Facebook (Ah! That glorious social tool! That infernal thief of my time!) a while ago, and I'm still getting chills rewatching it.

Did You Know?

The piece of information I can't stop thinking about is: "It is estimated that a week's worth of the New York Times contains more information than a person was likely to come across in a lifetime in the 19th century"

Woah.

I am inspired, humbled, and sometimes almost paralyzed by what this means we should be capable of as humans. We have all of this technology, all of these incredible ideas and inventions and abilities at our fingertips- what should we do with them? What would we do with them if our only aim was to make peoples' lives more fulfilling? What are we doing with them now- or how much are we ignoring their potential? Are we capable of living up to the responsibility we are realizing we have to each other and to the planet? I think that we are, but I'll need to rattle that thought around in my brain for at least another week before I'll be able to articulate it, even poorly.

Silhouettes and Shadows

I've kind of let myself be haunted lately, I think. I am constantly berating myself for the work I have not been doing, and thus exhausting myself before I even look at my 'to do' lists. I've been telling myself all the reasons why it's ok for me not to be accomplishing more, instead of just doing what I can and then giving myself a break. I am simultaneously telling myself how disappointed I am with my attitude this semester and making excuses for myself about why I shouldn't have to do any more than I am.

I need to just get over myself. I have the opportunity to learn at the U of Iowa for a few more weeks, and use the academic abilities I have been fostering in a few more projects. I will get something out of all of my classes and then I will be done. There is no reason to guilt myself for senioritis-quality work or give up. I have beautiful friends to support me, and little other than school to worry about right now (and I know how lucky that makes me!).

Also, I need to stop letting short-term worries keep me from doing things that are long-term valuable. A dear friend and counselor told me in the midst of late-semester stress a year or so ago that there will ALWAYS be a hundred urgent little things that need to be done today, and a few important things that make life worth living but don't have deadlines. Do the important ones. I need to turn in assignments -they serve a long-term purpose as well- but relationships with the people I love and serving humanity and making the world a better place should be part of every day I spend on this planet.

Writing these thoughts down really helps me take them more seriously, yo.

By the hand (hand)- take me by the hand, pretty mama!

I am so grateful for all of the people in my life. I tend to keep people farther away than I really mean to; I am only an occasional member (I feel) of most of the friend groups/communities that are important to me. This is usually the way I mean to be; I try to be there with people when I know I can sincerely care and pay attention to them the way they deserve, and give myself space when I need to. It's also sometimes the way I can't help being. I run into an inner wall pretty consistently that doesn't allow me to say what I mean, or at least makes me wring my hands and say what I mean falteringly. I've noticed that this happens much more often when I begin to judge my life by my ego, by how much I or other people approve of me rather than seeing the things that are happening in the world and in my life and doing the best I can with them.

At the same time, this distance is not just ego or just cowardice. I grew up in a pretty emotionally dysfunctional environment, and I can feel myself starting to cross a line into dependency on specific relationships into ground that isn't healthy (this line having little or nothing to do with the actions of the other person). I am so much happier and healthier, more confident and more comfortable with who I am than I was not all that long ago; I know I am going in good directions, but I do still need to keep track of myself.

It occurs to me that this topic is almost too personal for a public blog, but I'm assuming that if you've taken the time to read this you've probably encountered my emotional wall (it generally manifests in blank stares and noncommittal mutterings, until I find time and space to myself to untangle my thoughts) at some point or another. I'm taking it apart, but it's pretty tenacious. I am so grateful for all the caring, patient, intelligent and meaningful relationships in my life that help me to understand myself and the world a little better every day.

Hm. That wasn't really a travel topic, either. Except that trying to understand the challenges that I bring into relationships with people close to home, without the stresses of being in a new place and far away from my usual support system, will pretty definitely help me to have meaningful and not flailing and frustrated relationships in China next year.

How far we've come

A good conversation this afternoon ('this afternoon being a couple of weeks ago, by the time I'm actually posting this) has left me thinking about where I have come from, mentally, emotionally, and culturally, and where I am going.

The more I reflect on it, the more I feel I have been lucky in almost every way possible in my background. I have been loved, educated, challenged, and allowed my independence both from family and friends (while keeping meaningful relationships) and from American culture at large.

Being raised Baha'i and homeschooled (why does no writing software ever recognize any form of this as a word? Is it two?) forced me to make decisions about how I defined myself and who I wanted to be. I couldn't just take on standard values and identities, because they simply were not offered to me. Sure, I played dress up, played with Barbies, and watched cartoons, but always with guidance about gender roles being unnecessary, ridiculous body images being unhealthy, and the knowledge that if I watched one show I wouldn't be able to see any others as my daily TV allowance was only half an hour. I defined myself by my family, my friends, and what I experienced of the world through their stories and my eyes.

I have also been reflecting that my parents' divorce and the challenges we faced individually and as a family in the aftermath were vital for me to become who I am. I am sure there are less traumatic ways I could have become who I want to be, but I am not sure that I would have taken advantage of them. I was left with fears and insecurities I may have been able to avoid given a different life story. But if I had not been forced to take apart my identity and evaluate all the pieces one by one I think it is much more likely that I would still have those faults, and have lost only the ability to name them.

This leads me to a quote of 'Abdu'l-Baha's, that "the mind and spirit of man advance when he is tried by suffering. The more the ground is ploughed the better the seed will grow, the better the harvest will be. Just as the plough furrows the earth deeply, purifying it of weeds and thistles, so suffering and tribulation free man from the petty affairs of this worldly like until he arrives at a state of complete detachment. His attitude in this world will be that of divine happiness."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not heading out looking for ways to suffer. I am frustrated enough as it is by all of the ways that I hold myself back by remembering past unhappiness. But I will not pass by opportunities merely because they promise difficulty or challenge of whatever kind. I am terrified of how far away I am going to feel in China next year, and how long that year will be. I still define myself in large part by the people in my life and how they help me to see myself. I am blessed to have a number of deep friendships which have lasted a decade or more, and a number of newer ones I can only hope will last that long. I know that I and these friendships will survive the next year. I have a tightness in my stomach thinking about it because I'm not sure how, but I am sure that I will grow and that growth can only help me to deepen friendships.

In conclusion: I love you!

Egyptian reflections, part 1

I am definitely still processing my time in Egypt. I had intended to keep a detailed travel journal, and did really well with it for the first five or six days of my two week trip, but our over-packed schedule combined with my increased need for sleep when I travel (or when I am stressed, or it is cold, or I find a particularly comfortable corner, or the planets align to dictate it) slowed me down after that.

I was frustrated from the beginning that while I went on this trip for a class, most of what we involved the standard tourist run-around. But, a tourist trip to Egypt is still totally worth it, right? Absolutely. And I'm not entirely sure what should have been changed. I am very glad to be able to say that I visited both Karnak, the largest surviving temple in Egypt, and Edfu, the best preserved. Standing in these millennia-old structures was humbling and incredible and if anyone who knows anything about Egypt asks me where I've been after this trip, I'd feel foolish telling them we'd skipped those because we were worn out.

At the same time, putting this experience into perspective with my super-genius eventual life-plan to become a professor/teacher and take kids abroad, I am pretty sure I am going to be a jerk about it. I would take students to a couple of important tourist-ish sites, and then probably offer to help them set up an extended visit after the class if they need more tourism. I have also decided that the lab which sponsored the trip should pay me to coordinate international research projects and supervise studies abroad when I get back to the US in a couple of years (I am composing an email to my advisor about that super-genius plan as I write this).

I spent at least a couple of days downright disgusted, though thankfully I was able to keep the nastiness of my criticisms to my self. The first Sunday I was there, our class had not officially started but our tour group offered to arrange to show us around Coptic Cairo and the largest Mosque in Egypt, and all of us who were there agreed happily. We walked through ancient houses of worship and Roman-fortress-turned-churches, and on the way from the Mosque of Ibn Tulun to a Medieval market building, we were walking along the sidewalk of a busy street in Cairo. I was overwhelmed and trying to process all of the traffic, noise, pollution, vibrant colors, and fascinating people we were walking through. A child caught my eye. He or she was about a year old, probably, and sitting on the curb of a racing street (as much as traffic that congested can race) playing with the broken shards of a headlight cover.
I reeled as our guide continued pushing through the crowd. I am sure that living in a country with massive poverty and a 30% unemployment rate make it necessary to be able to just walk passed people in all kinds of misery, but I could not believe that our group of intelligent, progressive, and sustainability-minded scientists and engineers could come to a country with these problems and spend two weeks touring.

Of course, that is not all we did. And I have yet to get a good feel for what is possible considering the oppressive political situation, and even beyond that the corruption that is said to be rampant among officials. Basically: If I am able to make it back to Egypt, it will be with different goals in mind. I am very grateful for all I did learn on this trip, which I am finding was much more than I had believed while it was happening.