Getting a feel for Korea

It took me a while to find Korea. I came as a China Scholar. I still think of myself as a China Scholar. But I came to Korea to be with Christian, to broaden my view of Asia, to calm down and figure myself out, and to earn money. I had a hard time separating my understanding of Korea from my understanding of China-- most of what I saw in Korea were things borrowed from China. I knew that a lot of what I understood as China I should really understand as Asia, but at the same time China has been an 'exporter of culture' for thousands of years in Asia. A lot of things that seem Chinese here are, or were.

... I started this post in a coffee shop in City Hall. I am now sitting at a kind of play/gathering ground (explanation in a moment) by the coast where, bless Korea, there is public wireless internet. There are coffee shops and bakeries popping up all over the place-- a Western fad. (There is also SPAM everywhere-- a product of American military influence in building South Korea's economy after/during the war...) This is a better place to think, and a good example for me to try to untangle my ideas of China and Korea. 

There is a long concrete wall behind me. It was I think recently painted a pale yellow, and has raised sculptures of fish and octopodes and Jeju Women Divers. On the other side of the wall is the ocean, which just switched from a deep turquoise to almost black with the setting of the sun, though there were clouds blocking the sunset for an hour or so.

I am sitting on the top of four large concrete steps that lead down to a large concrete court. The concrete is swirls and blocks of color-- blue and pink and yellow, I think, though I have almost always been here when the sun has been low and the yellow streetlamps distorting the color scale. This court ends maybe another hundred feet in front of me, and stretches probably half a mile from side to side. The area far to my right has basketball and other courts. Along the other edge are vendors. Some of them sell food, and most of them are renting some kind of equipment. Bicycles (for 1 to 4 riders), rollerblades and skates and pads,  child-sized electric cars, balls to throw around. There is only a small crowd out tonight, as it is Sunday, but there are still lots of families and more than a few sweethearts walking up and down the seawall or riding something around in circles. There is a constant murmur of parents telling their kids not to get so far away, or laughing or cheering their approval of some feat of balance, or children who have run out of feats and need a hug. It sounds like a community.

To get here I walked 20 minutes or so downhill from City Hall. The road I took was full of shops-- bags and shoes and pets and clothes-- and to cross the last main road I had to go underground and walk a hundred feet through the shopping strip that runs for a mile (I think?) under Jungangro. I am drinking a bottle of Tropicana Spirit: Juice100 &Sparkling, White Grape flavor. It was part of a 1+1 deal at the FamilyMart (a Japanese chain which competes with the Korean GS25) near my house. And, you will recall, I have my new black netbook on my knees, surfing the web and writing this to you fine people.

Okay. So, this court/public square feeling area could be in China, more or less. I have seen similar places at the center of cities where rollerblades are rented-- it is a good time in any country! But of course, in China the paved public pedestrian areas big enough for this are the People's Squares in the middle of cities (generally in the place where Something Else stood before 1949). But they are used in much the same way. I didn't ever live near the coast in China, and most of Korea is near the coast-- so we can chalk the salt tang in the air up to geographic differences.

Korea went through its lightning fast economic development in the 60s-80s, so the air here feels calmer as well. In China I often feel heavy with the emotional intensity that comes from Chinese people trying to keep up with the changes of the last century and keep track of their identity-- I say that or something like it often and am never sure if I'm getting quite what I mean across. This feeling is a lot of what makes China fascinating for me, though I struggle with it. I know I still do not have a good feeling for Korea's changes in the last century, because so many people here are so comfortable with them. I don't feel that struggle, but I know I also don't feel whatever was lost in it.

Korea is one of Asia's "four tigers" of economic development, and they* are conscious of being taken as an economic model by other 'developing' countries. My East Asian Economics/Economies** professor liked the description of Asian economies as a flock of geese-- Japan is the lead goose, and Korea, Taiwan, Singapore, and Hong Kong flank it.

As an American (particularly as a white person, sadly) and walking symbol of the economic development that  both of these countries are aiming for, I am treated differently here. Differently from the way I am treated in American and differently from the way that most people are treated here. Overall, I am not given as much attention here in Korea, but I am definitely noticed. Understandably, not everyone is sure what to do with me. Do they like what my identity represents? Can they interact with me like a regular person? Can I understand even one word of their language?

The vast majority of people I have encountered in both countries have been incredibly welcoming-- embarassingly so, when I think of the way that foreigners, and especially foreigners who don't speak English, are talked about and treated in America. There are cases of discrimination, but they are not the rule. Definitely the main difference between China and Korea is that in China-- at least if you get away from big tourist areas like Beijing and Shanghai-- people are much more intrigued and excited to see a foreigner. Though I have had people in both countries tell me that I was the first foreigner they had ever talked to, or sometimes even seen in person.

Hmm... I think I'm going to stop here and try to come back with another entry just on Korea in the near future. It's I'm still struggling to put my finger on words to describe how these countries feel so very different. There are here, I'll just keep writing til they come out!

*I say 'they' and mean it in a way that is so general as to be pretty much inaccurate. There are plenty of people here who are contentedly clueless about politics and economic development in a lot of ways, just as there are most places.

**I really love that the lines around concepts are different in every language.

Expatriation, or something

Possibly the biggest challenge I have been facing in myself is how exciting living in a different country isn't. I mean, yes, I am building awesome friendships with people who have quite different perspectives in life (in some ways, anyway). I am seeing new places, learning new languages.

But I still wake up every day and think about going to work (or other things I would rather be doing). I still get unnecessarily anxious about social situations. I still have to get out of the house and DO things, and it is still just as easy to sit at home on the computer and waste time.

And more than that, it can be lonely. It is harder to start new relationships, though I find the payoff of connection is generally much bigger when friends are coming from different cultures, it is much easier to step on each other's toes by not paying attention to "the things that actually matter" in a relationship-- since we may have quite different ideas about what those are. I don't want to go shopping some days because I don't want to deal with the fear in employee's eyes when they realize they might have to deal with me.

I don't mean to be complaining, really. I know I am very lucky to be here and am grateful for the experiences I am having and the ways there are making me grow. There are just always people now and then who tell me that they are impressed that I can live here, and (aside from just not being very good at taking compliments) I always want to shout "Don't be!" I am dealing with most of the same problems that I dealt with in my life in Iowa.

I continually realize that no matter what exciting scenery I find for myself, I will always be me. I am lucky, but if any of my family and friends still in America (or wherever their home country) moved to a new country, they would very quickly discover that I have done some things well, but that they could do a lot of things better.

Rooting

Traveling in the Midwest was wonderful. It made me feel 100x more connected to my whole life story, and less like I am in a dangling chapter at the end. I had the chance to hang out with two different friends I hadn't seen in years (one I hadn't seen at all for a couple of years, I think, and hadn't seen satisfactorily for 3 or 4 and the other I hadn't seen for 5 years). Just seeing my family and america-friends was lovely and empowering, but seeing those two in particular made me feel more complete.

Every person I saw showed me a different part of myself. I have friends and family who are pursuing all sorts of different lives, and I feel very privileged to be able to witness them. It also made me feel much better about where I am. Being on this side of the world, it is easy to think about what I 'would be doing' in America, to think about all of the other paths that I have not chosen (ummmm I guess I would be doing this anywhere. Heh). In any case, it was really nice to realize that while I have not figured everything out about who I want to be and what I want to do, I have learned and I have grown. Connecting with old friends helped me to see this, partially by letting me see their successful lives and realize that I have success in the things I want. Partially by reminding me of who I was and who they were the last time we connected, and letting me see how much we both have grown.

I am collecting perspectives and experiences. Learning about myself and about the world, and if that keeps me a little overwhelmed and not quite on my feet for a while, I think that's okay!

I am sitting right now in a coffee shop in 'city hall' in Jeju City. (The city center in most towns is called this. There is an actually City Hall building, but this whole area is called city hall, or sicheong.) It is a beautiful early-fall day outside. I took a long way getting here from the apartment I am sharing with a family. I walked down a road I hadn't before and discovered a lot of little restaurants to investigate, and stopped into a bookstore that just moved from city hall. I bought a korean photo-dictionary. And now I am going to study some Chinese, maybe study some Korean, and do some private writing!

Love!

Moments

I have been experiencing my time in leaps of realization and ever-clearer days. I know now that I want to live on this side of the world, at least for the plan-able future, and I am slowly clearing away the guilt that clouded my ability to see this and is still weighing me down about it. I don't hate the US, I actually like it much more than I did before I moved to Asia. I love love love my family and friends and would love love love to be closer to them and an in-person part of their lives. But I feel right here, and have an almost unimaginably sweet job: working with kids, working with language, having a LOT of time to study other things and to build relationships on both sides of the Pacific. And I think that a me armed with Skype and happiness makes me a better force than a confused me wherever I'd be able to find a job in the US next year.

I have been putting off finding/buying souvenirs for people. Partially because there is still a box in Iowa with some of the souvenirs I bought the first time I went to China (in 2006) because it is easy to lose momentum in connecting the right things with the right people to mean something. And I don't want to buy more clutter. And many souvenirs are clutter.

But a few days ago I was inspired to go to the beach and pick up shells and offer them to my brother for the business he is starting making t-shirts and jewelry and otherwise using his artistic skillz. I walked barefoot along the seawall and the first two beaches, and put my sandals back on to walk across the field on the way to the smallest beach by the Oreum*, because it's harder to see what you are stepping on in grass and I know for a fact that some weird foreigners like to strap small fireworks to model airplanes and fire/fly them in that field (*cough*). I almost escaped from the tinny sound of music blasting from the restaurant by the biggest middle beach after I climbed down the stairs to the sand, and wiggled my toes through the dry warm top sand to the coolness underneath. I picked up shells and thought about life, and wondered how much time has passed since the first person picked up shells and thought about life at that beach in Hamdeok.

Someone started announcing something over the beach speaker system, but it was far away and in Korean (and didn't seem to be inviting or inciting panic), so I ignored it and kept sidling into the surf and sifting through shells and rocks and sand and seaweed. After a while I noticed that some dark clouds were rolling their way towards me from the west, and decided that perhaps the faint korean buzz was correct, and I should head home. I stopped on the seawall and sat down when I saw a fish jump out of the water, and stayed to watch another 30 fish follow suit (or perhaps the same fish and a few of her pals do a really impressive dance). A dark grey crane stalked slowly from the westmost beach, and a white crane was far enough out in the falling tidewaters that she kept disappearing in the reflections on the waves.

I have had some really good conversations this week and in the last few weeks, and gotten a lot of really good support from all over. I just going to be here for a while. I am going to keep moving on my China plans and other studies, but I am going to try to focus on the moments that happen, and try not to think I must justify my days by what they might build towards in the future.

*Oreum are the "parasitic volcanoes" scattered across Jeju island. They are more or less hills, except that they are 120% cooler than average hills because they were formed by volcanic eruptions.

Reading novels in Chinese

I have had some realizations in the last month about who I let myself be, and some about who I actually am and what I want.

I have been telling myself that it is too hard, too lonely, too far away to keep living on this side of the world. And I have been feeling maybe not guilty but goaded by some peoples' voices in my mind who ask what's wrong with America?, or my own voices in my mind that whisper I may just be trying to run away from relationships before they get too complicated. That I may not be running towards anything.

But I am. And I have realized that I simply don't want to move back to the US. I want to let my whole being move to this side of the world, and not be standing a mental step back towards Iowa because I know I'm moving 'home' before too long. I want to stay here.

I do miss 'home.' I miss my friends and my family and have dreams about the skies in Iowa. To drive on a highway with radio blasting and see a thunderhead rolling towards me across the plains. Ah.

I have got to stop telling myself that I am afraid, though. I have got to stop being afraid of challenging myself. I have got to stop being afraid to belong. (I know that last sentence is angsty, but it's an honest and dominant fear of mine, I think. So there you have it: I'm angsty.)

One excellent thing I learned last year in China was just to go. Just to read, just to talk. I have been reading novels in Chinese, though I don't understand anything close to everything. I am just reading and getting from it what I can.

The Hamdeok View: pictures from my new place!

The view out my window/over my balcony rail

This and the next couple were taken along the sea wall right in front of my building

Did I later eat these dried radishes at a local restaurant?! It's very likely, but let's move on.

These last three were taken from the top of my building today when I got my laundry

Safe!

Hello all!

I had a few emails from concerned friends and family members, and just wanted to update here as well so everyone knows I am fine. Jeju island is quite close to Japan but the tsunami didn't do any damage here that I am aware of.

Love!

Me-update

Sorry I didn't post earlier in the week! All is well. This is solely a Kara-update, my mind hasn't been coming together for a more thoughtful topic.

I think I have decided to get a masters of education and teach middle school science, and then get certified to teach in montessori schools. I don't just want to do the montessori thing by itself, I believe, because I want to be more flexible in where I can work and because I am pretty sure I want to work with middle-school aged students. This is such an important age to be encouraged and empowered, as youth are becoming aware that they are both intelligent and mature, but often not being given ways to use those qualities constructively, I think that I can feel good about spending my whole life with them.

I have just recieved (from my dear mother!) and begun reading a book about the Montessori philosophy. But it is essentially based around Maria Montessori's discovery in late 19th century Italy that all children have a spontaneous interest and self-discipline for learning, when they are given the help and encouragement to act on them.

I am looking for Masters of Ed programs and may be applying for next fall to a couple with late deadlines, but will probably wait to ensure that I have applied for sufficient funding.

Christian and I are going to visit Seoul and Busan (the capital/biggest city in SK and the second biggest, respectively) the week after next for our vacations. We're taking a boat from Jeju to Busan, a train from Busan to Seoul, and a plane from Seoul back to Jeju.

The first week of January my school is hosting a joint English Camp with a few other schools (including Christian's) and I'll be teaching about 15 4th-6th graders a day on the exciting topic of "money." We'll be designing our own currency and ending with a treasure hunt.

Jeju Island Geology, for a start

I have been enjoying living on an island. It is perhaps the exact opposite, geographically, from living in the middle of Iowa. Jeju Island was formed by a volcano-- similar to the Hawaiian island. The volcano, Halla-san (san means mountain in Korean), stands tall in the center of the island, almost always shrouded in humidity and clouds, sometimes poking its head out above them. I have only seen the whole thing clearly once so far. My co-teacher says that it is usually only visible for 10 days a year, or that's what people say.

There are scattered around the island about 360 "parasitic" volcanic cones-- that means that for at least part of the time that Halla-san was active, the amount of magma underneath it was so great that the main volcano was not big enough to release it and it pushed its way through all over the place. The small peaks are visible all over the place-- in Jeju's dialect of Korean they are called "oreum." I have climbed a couple so far, and I love to see them in the distance and imagine the lava shooting out and pooling over the landscape. This would have been a truly dramatic place to live a few hundred thousand years ago.

There are remnants of Jeju's dramatic past all over: the sharp divide between land and see, sometimes dropping off from basalt cliffs to deep water; the oreum scattered across the island, sometimes with their feet in the water; and the lava tubes. Christian and I visited one lava tube called Manjang cave.
I wasn't able to get a good shot with my camera, so here's one from Discover Korea.

It is a place where lava pushed through-- perhaps taking advantage of a crack in the rock--  the outer layer of lava solidified and the rest kept flowing. This picture is of the end of the tunnel that is open to tourists (Manjang cave being one of two or three sections of tunnel open anywhere on the island, out of I think 5 or 6 known tunnels-- one of which is more than 13km long). As we were leaving, I noticed that a lot of the ceiling had light patches. I wondered what they were, and Christian suggested that they might be minerals leached from the soil above. I said, naahh, that's possible, I guess, but highly improbable. Well, one of the first sentences in the UNEP report is that that is exactly what happened, and that is it rare. So, I feel silly, but not completely silly?

It's a beautiful place! Come visit!

--Pretty much all of the information in this post that isn't a personal anecdote is from the United Nations Environmental Project Report on Jeju island as a World Heritage Site, which you can download for your very own self! It's only about 6 pages long, and chock-full of great information.

--also, please note that each of these 'exploring the world' and china series posts are labeled as such, and the tags are at the top of the list on the righthand side of this page. If you just want to view one of these series, just click on its label!

Bonus Picture Saturday

First, here is a photo of one view from the westernmost beach in Hamdeok (a 15-20 minute walk from my place):

Next, here's one of the best shots I've taken so far. It's a picture of sunset over Jeju taken from Udo-- a very small island to the east of Jeju itself.
And last, here is the cereal I have been eating. I was drawn to it because it is 1) Cheap and 2) Terrifying. It is also Italian.


(If you click on the pictures, they'll get bigger)

It's the room the sun and the sky

Writing goal number three* for this year is the most informal. It's basically just to keep my pen on paper; not to let things I need to express pile up because I'm not sure how or when to say them. I've journaled to keep myself sane since I was about ten years old, I think. I have a paper journal for which this might often be more appropriate, but I'm going to try to just write down something about HOW my life is every week. This will also allow me to keep titling entries with song lyrics that probably only relate to the post's content in my head. Win all around, really.

To begin with, here's a bit about what it feels like to teach afterschool English at Hado Elementary School on Jeju Island:

The fifth and sixth grades are often the easiest to relate to, but also the classes where power struggles are most likely. I'm hoping this will continue getting better as I figure out what games they like and they feel they can trust me to have a point to what I want them to do ("point" here probably also being a game). Sixth grade was excited about the game "four corners" for about two solid weeks. I haven't played it in a little while because I want it to still be exciting. The only thing I've gotten the fifth grade excited about so far is telling scary stories. Which was awesome-- I said "What is a scary story?" and they immediately listed about twenty possible characters, starting with Dracula and kumiho. I've been using them to teach the past tense, and am hoping I can find some more things they'll be interested in so they don't get tired of them. They are the class that chose names like "Valkyrie," "Black Hole," and "Dark Knight," for which I can do nothing but congratulate them, but they are clearly too cool for school most of the time. There's hope for a future full of English practice involving video game characters and tales of violent death, but there will be rocks along the way.

Fourth grade is my smallest class and third grade is my largest (with 5 and 11 students, respectively. All my classes are beautifully small). Fourth grade has been the easiest so far-- they've been happy with the activities I've planned for them-- they've been feeling the power of being able to spell things by sounding them out phonetically, I think, and really like playing Uno even if they have to describe their cards in English to play each turn. The range of language level in my third grade class is challenging. There is one girl who has complained a number of times to my co-teacher that she ALWAYS raises her hand and ALWAYS knows the answer and I NEVER call on her. I do call on her, sometimes, but I know that she really does always know the answer very fast, and a few of her classmates generally need the question repeated and/or re-explained.

First and second grade have the most trouble finding value in sitting in a chair for forty minutes at a time, but they might still be my favorites. They are all young enough to just "know" that all adults understand everything they are saying all the time, so they speak to me in Korean all the time. I have them kind of fooled so far, by luck. I always have a Korean co-teacher in class who fields their relevant questions, and thus far the only questions they've asked me outside of class concern where I'm going-- one of the ten or so things I understand. Thus far they still believe that I respond in English to challenge them and make them keep practicing, and not because I only speak about twenty words of Korean.

Only a couple of the other teachers in my school have had real conversations with me. Most don't speak English well enough (or aren't confident, at least). But a couple of teachers who don't really speak English have brought me coffee a couple of friday afternoons while I lesson plan in the library, so overall it's nice to be there.

*er, goals one and two start next week. They're more scheduled. You'll be seeing them. Transmission ended.

Title is from "Lazy Eye" by the Silversun Pickups

Beginnings on Jeju Island

I am safe on Jeju, and apologize for not updating here sooner! Our first five days on the island were spent finishing out orientation at a hotel with no wifi, and my evenings were spent wandering around Jeju-si or sleeping.

I stayed with Christian for about a week, as his room at our "pension"* was open way before mine. First, though, he had to fly to Osaka at the last minute to get a new visa because of some poorly worded forms at the Consulate in Chicago.

Our rooms are right next to each other, the only ones in the building on this side of the cluster of structures that our landlord (who was introduced to us as "the Master") owns. There is a waterwheel and a gazebo in the middle, and a bench swing to the side of my window, next to the hole in the wall that houses our washing machine. My place consists of one large room-- kitchen, bedroom, and living room in one-- and a small bathroom. There are plenty of windows and we get a lovely breeze, so when it's not crazy hot outside they're open.

I've only taught one day so far, and will head to my second day of classes in a couple of hours. My intended first day was canceled by a typhoon, which in the end turned out to be just spotty gusts of wind and a few downpours. I definitely haven't gotten a good handle on my students' abilities yet. We've just made namecards (and picked English names!) and gone over class rules. My first graders think I'm super cool, my fourth graders may stage a revolt before too long.

It feels SO GOOD to have my own place, and now a cellphone and internet, and soon a desk and chair. I'm calming down from last year in China and from traveling all over the place this summer. I think it's gonna be a really good year.


*this is the first time I've heard the word 'pension' used to describe something not to do with money after retirement. Here it means "vacation house," something like "bed and breakfast" which is rented out by the day during tourist season, and much cheaper by the month in the off season.