"There's so much more to get than wronged"

I have been trying to take a step back from the expectations I have of myself and see who I am and where I am and should be going.

I have been praying more. I have been trying to make my days expand into tapestries of things learned and seen and loved and not just the passage of the sun over my head. I have been trying to look around more.

I was almost overwhelmed in Nanjing. Not quite, I struggled through my classes well enough (I think. My civil law professor has still not told me if I passed or not) but had a hard time reaching out to the people around me. I'm hoping I can change this when I go back; that I can let people matter to me. Of course, half our time will be over, so everyone else's focus may not be on forming friendships, but I do the best I can.

I have been realizing that it might be okay for me to get used to things being alright. Not that I'm never going to have to face anything difficult again. I'm sure I will. I will be miles away from you when bad things happen. I won't be there to hug you or for you to hug me. I will be confused and in over my head and helpless. I will be human. But it will be okay. I will rely on the knowledge that I am not the most important thing in existence. I will call this knowledge "God" and scratch the surface. I will rely on the beautiful people I have in my life, all over the world.

The title is from "Earth to Bella, Part 2" by Incubus