My grandparents have had an extremely difficult year, and after finally moving back in with my grandfather for less than a week, my grandmother is back in the hospital. She has always planned on "getting to 90 and then slowing down," and did just turn 90 last month. She has been incredibly brave in a year of being moved back and forth, from her home to the hospital to an assisted living home to a nursing home, another nursing home. I think that she and my grandfather have spent more time living in separate places this year than they have together, which would be unfair any year but is unbearable to think about as the list of things her body is surviving keeps getting longer.
It breaks my heart to be on the other side of the world while they are both facing things they shouldn't face alone, with only my thoughts and love and too-infrequently my voice in Iowa. But I am wary of the short trips home I might be able to finagle with my brief vacation days-- I don't want to have to leave before I feel like I'm home and lose the buffer-money that will be letting me stay in Ames when I do get there, almost certainly at the end of July. I have been trying to decide if this is wisdom or selfishness, and am not sure. In any case, my heart is in Iowa.
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